Oh Betsy, O!

一笑万古春， 一啼万古愁
--易顺鼎, "万古愁曲"

*
(A smile ushers in the spring,
a tear darkens all the world)

[Qing Dynasty poet Yi Shunding, in a poem dedicated to Mei Lanfang,
a Peking Opera singer famous for his portrayals of women]

The trail of tears in her wake stretches the vast land and rolls over loam, shale, and sand. Listen to those shrill cries of men, they who worked this land that now bleeds through their fingers and gathers as ash in the frostbitten ground. Calcite gaps fill, abandoned abbeys drown, none give witness. Grand conurbations nee testament to the human will are devoured like figs by a fire of longing grander and fiercer in its reckless heat than anything we have known or could have dreamed. In its singular brilliance the sun is blotted out by an emboldened escarpment and at the base of a ridge beset by darkness a God-bespoke crag with its callused jailer's heart kneels indifferently over a dying man whose darting eyes behold the face of evil. His last gurgling breath carries the words you will live in pain. Mors ultima ratio, the crag replies and extends two forked fingers upon unblinking lids. The anchorite in his house of dust too cries. Up above a dark shape with its macabre shadow catches the harrowing scent of brine and discerns out of the endless swale a purpling river of contused hearts beseeching like prayer for the merciful stamp of the dark beast's cinder feet. The shape is a sword, a cold and jagged impulse. It is a wish on fire. Its wings careen in ecstatic imitation of self-possession or a harpy bereaved above this rising sea of sorrow.

Oh Betsy, O! Fate never wavered, but must our piked hearts have flapped in the wind of your conquest?

HOW WAS IT? Her former hook-ups answer:

Jeff Hartline: Sublime, yet sublimely perverted. I've been having wet dreams ever since. They always start with a bottle of baijiu and a stone lion, and end unfit for publication.

Andrew Hooker: Layers upon layers of glad-ification. So many fluids.

Greg May: Best I ever had. Not only did it last just the right amount of time, there were no hard feelings afterwards. No regrets. No goodbyes.

Kevin Reitz:

Betsy, dear betsy, the night of our bafflegab
You didn't even mention my abundant flab.
You were tender, nurturing, soft, gentle;
Also freaky, dirty, wrong, and experimental.
Your memory lives on, erotic and sordid,
Helped, no doubt, by the DVD I recorded
Available for download, ten kuai apiece,
So the world can enjoy "Betsy and Obese."

Jason Chen: Who is Betsy?

Nice try, Jason. Nice try.

And her rivals, who have stood in corners at parties, uncomfortable in their own skin, as Betsy approached their lovers and with nary a wink pulled them into her, in plain sight, as bystanders cringed while casting furtive glances at the newly heartbroken:

Sandy Wang: It was like she reached into my chest and replaced my heart with a donut.

Lauren Reed: Candice's mom won't return my phone calls because she is under the impression that you two have a shot at something real. I'm fine with never turning that trick again, but could you at least put this woman out of her delusional misery and tell her that commitment, honestly, and intentionality are the antithesis of all of your relationships? I can't stand to see her like this.

Kelly Yang: I hate Betsy.

Oh Betsy, O. To forgive, we forgive! And forget, forever.

BETSY APPRECIATION WEEK

finis

Every single Weekly Email By Betsy, ever (2007)*

Betsy Appreciation Week continues...

• 12/11/07: Winter upon us
• 12/4/07: In which the link to "Rejected" appears
• 11/27/07: Autumn miscellany
• 10/31/07: A discussion of "in" and "out"
• 10/10/07: Pre-Hong Kong tourney
• 10/3/07: Betsy "Shock and Awe"
• 9/11/07: Hat tourney promo
• 8/22/07: With Donald's birthday party approaching, and post-summer league
  
• 8/13/07: Exactly one year till Olympics
• 8/7/07: Summer fun (Sandy's party included)
• 7/31/07: Long summer entry where you'll learn the difference between cyanescens, semilanceata and cubensis.
  
• 7/17/07: Possibly longest entry yet, with long sections everywhere
  
• 7/10/07: Harry Potter and Ultimate committee
• 7/3/07: Involving the arrival of Clare's younger sister
• 6/26/07: Pre-summer league
  
• 6/19/07: Post-Shanghai tourney
• 6/12/07: Five days till Shanghai
• 6/5/07: Ryan and Candice hooked up
• 5/29/07: Post-China Nationals from Tianjin
  
• Addendum 5/29/07: "betsy made two mistakes this week. it doesn't happen often. i would print up and laminate this week's email. it's going to be a collector's item and worth a lot of money."
• 5/22/07: Pre-China Nationals tourney in Tianjin
• 5/15/07: "What animal is in you" quiz

* Weekly emails before May 15, 2007 were sent by actual email.


Another picture of Betsy if she were brunette.

Every single Weekly Email By Betsy, ever (2008)

From Google Groups (linked on side panel):

• 7/1/08: China Natties prep
• 6/24/08: Shanghai recap (with nicknames, etc.)
  
• 6/17/08: Shanghai room assignments
  
• 5/28/08: Beijing Hot (and Sexy) and Beijing Not (Ugly Trolls) rosters
  
• 5/21/08: Sandy Appreciation Week
  
• 5/14/08: China Natties prep
  
• 5/7/08: Talking up Kevin before his arrival (the same Kevin who later calls Betsy a "cantankerous whore")
  
• 4/30/08: "Bafflegab"
• 4/22/08: Jeju prep
• 4/16/08: Airport stuff, rumor of Reid and Julia subverting Beijing leadership...
• 4/9/08: Nicknames edition (can we start calling Sandy "Ed," please?)
• 4/1/08: "what what would be the most unlikely and shocking hook up in the history of beijing ultimate"
• 3/25/08: Biggest Frisbee week of the year
• 3/18/08: Shadow committee
• 3/4/08: Rat Pack planning, "apathigarchal," and other miscellany
  
• 2/26/08: Oscar's
• 2/21/08: Post-Bangkok, Betsy returns!

Another picture of Betsy if she were blond.

Who is Betsy Beijing?

Polymath. Coquette. Epicure. Bon viveur. These are all terms to describe Betsy Beijing, but who is she, exactly? Would she appreciate those fancy-schmancy terms, or would "cute" suffice? If we peeled back the blubber of facade, would we be greeted with a scowling tiger or kittenish lady? Would we know a real smile from the torturous coyness we've come to expect? The real Betsy, when she's out of makeup and exfoliating in the lonely hours of the night -- nude at heart, unafraid, truthful in beauty -- where is she to be found and how is she to be found out?

We only have glimpses, like when she described her strengths and weaknesses in a mock job application in a June 25, 2007 posting on Google groups:

strengths:
people person
language skills
diplomatic
good at networking
extremely attractive
care about the environment

weaknesses:
poor attendance
trail of broken hearts easy to trip over
incapable of human emotion

She remains shrouded in secrecy, cautious even as she gives herself over -- her whole self, that is what you do not seem to understand, she gives and loses a part of her whole self every time she slips into the warm throes of yet another night -- and smiles that hollow, sweet smile, laughs that ginger, simpering laugh.

Who is Betsy? We're not the only ones who wanted to know. In part two of our two-part interview, Beijing Ultimate solicited people from as far as Hanover, New Hampshire, and Vancouver, Canuckistan, to send in questions, and once again Betsy supplied the answers as only she could.

Jeff Hartline asked, "Betsy Beijing, what's your number?"

Betsy: who's jeff hartline? is he cute? is he rich? should i get to know him? or will it just be a waste of my time?

Molly Roy: "If you had to pick a suitor on the Beijing ultimate team, who would it be and why?"

the question that needs to be asked is, if i had to eliminate one suitor, who would it be. answer: doc

Aaron Leung: "What's this?"

don't play coy with me, aaron. you know exactly what this is, and it's going to be the greatest regret of your sad existence that you only got to get with THIS once.

Lauren Reed sent in a question in essay form, so we're gonna have to cut it down to, "How do you do ... the most young, handsome, male co-ed admirers? Any secret insights would be more than appreciated, Betsy."

I'm betsy, what can i say. if you hung with me more, you would have a pretty good shot at my residuals.

Chris Boehner wrote his question in paragraph form, which was annoying, so we put his 62-word question into a random number generator and this is what came out: "Do a six pack only to you name with last years bonedaddy is corner I'm promise?"

forty two

Kevin Reitz: "What do you call that anyway? The Ugly Tornado?"

no, the gypsy palm reader

Jeff Orcutt: "How do you keep so fit?"

sex with your mom

Chirona Silverstein: "I would like to know the entire history of your love life since joining Beijing Ultimate Group. You must've had dozens of affairs!"

yes.

Thank you, Betsy, for sharing a part of your soul.

Best of Betsy 2007

The most gratifying aspect of combing through Betsy's weekly procession of confabulations of genius was witnessing her evolution as both a writer and a person. Her hopes and dreams, so closely tied with the hopes of the community and the dreams of the very real human heart, oscillate up and down like a steam-room piston and we are alternately heartbroken and uplifted by her enduring humor and faith in the face of sadness and decay. When the walls of the community seem to cave in, she sings.

Some things remained the same in 2007: the Frisbee, the parties, the nonstop looking ahead at more Frisbee and more parties -- the elements that define Beijing Ultimate and make it the funnest community in China -- but other things changed: the disappearance of Gemma, the mellowing of Donald, the phasing out of one or both of the Gabes (literally, in the robot's case). Rickshaw, which used to be the hotspot for Beijing Ultimate -- a place that housed one of the most important meetings of 2007, as Betsy tells us:

Jason says "This meeting is to discuss the future of Beijing Ultimate. Everyone interested in discussing or knowing more about the way that Beijing Ultimate runs is welcome to attend." Thanks Jason for the informative message. Let's all take to heart and participate in what could be the most important moment in Beijing ultimate history.

-- began its decline almost as quickly as it ascended; it is now a place we patronize with only our work friends, if even that.

Rickshaw's fall is a solemn reminder that nothing is permanent, everything is illusory, life is but a bat of the butterfly's wings and we ourselves are guests in our own bodies, just passing through.

Betsy was unflappable in harsh times, like Cronkite under fire. She was not always authoritative, but one got the sense that she remained self-assured, poised, as confident in the present as she was of a pollution-less future (10/10/07). Check out the typical gusto and positive energy, pulsing like a star, of a Betsy salutation:

my fine, feathered, frisbee friends,

to thee, betsy presents a riddle:
what happens when you cross a gregarious gorge, a few skeet-like objects, and 80 of candice's mother's closest friends?

give up?

Summer League in Happy Valley!

And we saw her, slowly, develop an exalted -- indeed, proper -- sense of self-worth. Witness her comparing herself to Western literature's greatest novelist, Leo Tolstoy:

if betsy were a russian novelist, she'd be tolstoy. that means she's long winded and takes longer than is necessary to get to her point, but is not as talented as dosteovsky. then again, how many people can say they've written a fifteen hundred page book? and how many people can say they've written a 5000 word weekly email? not dosteovsky. and not pat mccarthy.

In 2007 Betsy showed us her impeccable Chinese (扒体 as "party") (10/6/07), talked about Google calendars, called out Donkey Kong (6/12), and scolded a member of the Frisbee community, "if you think you can do better barbie, why don't you try writing the weekly email for a few weeks. it ain't easy." We're pretty sure she was off the alcohol and heroin by then, which she experimented with and had the courage to tell us about in a devastating August 7 post. This was vintage Betsy, peeling down to her very essence -- like the girl in the photo, which is an approximation of what Betsy looks like as a brunette -- to let us see she has nothing to hide and is still attractive, indeed is more attractive for all those lesions and open wounds.

A.D. 2007 will be remembered for a legendary movie. It will be remembered as the year China Ultimate took a giant step forward with its first national tournament for Chinese teams only. It will be remembered as the year of shout-outs, which were returned by college kids like Aaron Leung (8/1) and Clare Sierawski (7/27). We think back on this and ask, Where have they gone to? Clare probably to Brooklyn as poet-in-residence, Aaron to Bombay as elephant vasectomist.

But most of all, 2007 was the year of Betsy.

Clare and Aaron will return, perhaps, as Betsy returned, stronger than ever. It is something we all do, as leaves risen out of the ground, the sea turtle its home in the warm and roiling waters, the wind its bag in the sky -- us to the child beating within, on a swing or merry-go-round, tree or kickball diamond, in the playground of our forebears before time had a chance to exist.

BEST WEEKLY EMAILS:

• Betsy "Shock and Awe" (she returns after a brief absence, as only she can), 10/3/07
• Pre- and post-Shanghai tourney, 6/12/07 and 6/19/07
• Exactly one year till Olympics, 8/13/07

BEST LUNCHTIME POLL, 5/29/07

Here's a quick poll that will allow you to vote for you favorite moment from the weekend:

was your favorite moment of the weekend:

a) jason and shen boatracing each other, puking all over themselves, and then boatracing each other again.

b) ryan making out with that kazak guy just to prove he wasn't too drunk to make out with claire.

c) patrick w. deciding to walk home from all you can eat sushi at dzm, making it all the way to jiao dao koh, and then realizing he left his pants at the restaurant and turning around.

d) kate duclos from shanghai commenting that she thought beijing had the best spirit and wishing that she lived here instead.

BEST LUNCHTIME POLL, Part 2, 8/7/07

which of the following did NOT happen at sandy's party:

a) yin got a ride home from chip, and i don't mean on the back of his bicycle, if you know what i mean.

b) sandy walked into her bedroom and caught nick and doc making out on her bed. when she asked to join, they both refused, and asked her to leave.

c) appearing to be dangerously drunk, ryan started waving around a kitchen knife, only to be wrestled to the ground by peggy in an attempt to disarm him. laughs were shared all around when it turned out he was only slobbering drunk, and no danger to anyone but the english language.

d) the promised 6 am breakfast.

BEST SHOUT OUT/CALL OUT, 7/17/07

now is the time in the weekly email when betsy gives her weekly shout outs, and call outs. remember, you want to get shouted out, but you don't want to get called out.

a shout out to Zahlen, for agreeing to print our summer league jerseys using the most wicked material on this side of the tracks. Zahlen will be donating potential profits towards outreach to Chinese players. Where would we be without you, o brother?

a call out to darlies toothpaste. just because you switched out one letter for the next one in the alphabet, we know your secret and boycott your product, which sucks anyway. everyone knows that baking soda is the way to go for all-natural whitening.

a shout out to greg and zoe, who are going to be working madly on editing PLan 5 (remember when we filmed that movie once? you know, the one that doc and clare made-out in? Yeah, that's the one) for us to watch at the party at their place this weekend. if you can only do some of it, can you please put in the clip of doc and clare making out? Betsy secretly has a thing for both of them, but only when they are together, making out. well, c'mon now, don't we all?

a call out to Sandy, for being faster than Betsy on the field and hitting on all her crushes. Honestly Sandy. Just because you can have it all doesn't mean that you should. Have some compassion for the little people, huh?

a shout out to Aaron, for just being himself. Go Aaron.

a call out to co-dependency. This is a personal beef this time, between betsy and this ugly, ugly disease. It's all too often that people create a facade when socializing and always depend on heeding others' every beck and call, just to boost their self-esteem, then getting angry at those people for being too demanding but never once vocalize their frustrations and so spiral into a deep, dark abyss of hating themselves and hating everyone else. bad co-dependency.

BEST UPCOMING EVENT (though it wasn't called that yet), 6/5/07

Plan Five From Outerspace

beijing's quest to have the greatest ever theme party at an ultimate tournament continues. saturday after practice we will have another session of costume design, set construction, and story boarding. we will adjourn to sandy and tracy's from the fields. anyone who needs help with their costume, please contact doc or tracie. please look over doc's email regarding everyone's parts and confirm what role you have.

to get you in the mood, go here:

http://www.briansdriveintheater.com/horror.html

a word of warning. anyone who doesn't have fun at this party will be persecuted mercilessly. luckily nick won't be around to ruin it for everybody else.

BEST MAILBAG, 5/15/07

every week, betsy gets a lot of emails inviting her out on dates, complementing her on her leadership skills, asking her ultimate related questions, and wanting to know who she is. the mailbag is where she answers these questions. as always, these are real letters from real readers.

Letter #1:

dear betsy,

everyone seems to get me confused with gabe monroe. i don't know what it is. i mean he's a robot. you'd think people would be able to tell us apart.

do you have any ideas what i can do about this?
thanks,
gabe w.

dear gabe w,

i'm hereby giving you an official beijing ultimate nickname. from now on you will be known as the og. the other gabe.

xxxooo
betsy

Letter # 2:

dear betsy,

i took the animal test. it said i was a mole. what animal are you?

donald

dear donald,

i'm a tiger.

xxxooo
betsy

Letter #3:

dear betsy,

on behalf of the shanghai ultimate community, i'm issuing a cease and desist order in regards to your team party costumes for shanghai. after you ripped off our clue idea in jeju, and after you totally owned the shanghai party the past three years, we have taken steps to insure that you don't steal our thunder again this year. beijing can play in the tournament, but is not allowed within one hundred meters of any party venue.

bob loblaw,
attorney at law

dear mr. loblaw,

this is an impossible request, as anyplace the beijing ultimate team sets foot is by definition the party venue. expect another tour de force by big brother.

xxxooo
betsy

BEST WEEKLY RUMOR THAT MUST BE TRUE, 7/10/07

has anyone ever wondered why char is never around on weeknights or on saturday or anytime really outside of a couple hours on sunday afternoon? well betsy has the answer. it turns out that char loves to reenact medieval fantasy battles. every weekend she and her "church" friends go out to beijing's country side and act out scenes from the lord of the rings movies. here's a picture. char is standing in the middle of the back row:

http://www.dagorhir.com/ragnarok/images/ragxviii/XVIII_zagref_845_Fia...

please don't bring it up with char. she's quite embarrassed and will deny to your face that she likes to dress up in armor and fight with big padded sticks pretending to be orcs and hobbits.

BEST SOCIAL CALENDAR, 8/13/07

candice has done a terrible job with her role as social coordinator. she's an even worse committee member than doc or barbie. (and come to think about it, those two never seem to around anymore, is this just a coincidence. stay tuned next week for more details.) so betsy is taking it upon herself to organize a fantabulous party this saturday night. naturally it will be a costume party. and it will be democratic.

what venue would you like betsy's party to be at:

1. the new old black sun
2. the old new black sun
3. zahlen's apt (jf has the key)
4. carey's apt (betsy has the code)
5. the stone boat in ritan gong yuan)

what theme would you like to have for the party:

1. come dressed as your favorite figure from chinese history
2. come dressed as your favorite member of beijing ultimate
3. come dressed as zahlen. we have access to all his clothes after all
4. come dressed as your favorite bear bone
5. toga party

what form of entertainment would like to have for the party:

1. chip and luke on their guitar and banjo
2. chip and his mp3 player and jam box.
3. just chip. completely nude.
4. donald and jamie in a break dance competition, barbie to be the judge.
5. jello wrestling, featuring ryan and ken in speedos, barbie to be the
judge.

please have all your votes in by thursday afternoon.

BEST WEEKLY QUIZ, 5/22/07

for you newbies, the weekly quiz is a game where betsy asks a few simple questions, and it's your job to provide the correct answers. as always, googling is prohibited. this week's winner will receive a private cricket lesson with gemma.

this week's category, movie quotes. name the following movies, and which character said them. first correct answer wins:

1) I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

2) I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.

3) Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.

as for last week's question, no one got the correct answer which was:

One time, me and a ninja friend of mine were killing a whole bunch of pirates, and this one pirate couldn't believe what was happening. So after he said "yarr" about 50 million times, he started to say "blow me down," but I cut his head off before he said "down." Both of us Ninjas thought about it for a minute, and then we just broke out in hysterics. Later we told all our ninja friends about it. We all had a good laugh at that one. Stupid pirate.

WEEKLY QUIZ THAT GOT THE BEST RESPONSE, 7/3/07

this week's winner will receive a free date at the venue of their choice with clare's younger sister.

this week's category, beijing ultimate:

1) who are you most likely to get puked on by?

2) who are you most likely to get hit on by?

3) who is most likely to break your hand?

please email your answers directly to betsy, at betsybeij...@gmail.com

as for last week's question, mark is the winner. although he did quite poorly on the actual questions, he actually knew the bonus, which is all that really matters. vicky the robot was from the tv show small wonder.

mark wins a prize package from five ultimate, which can be picked up anytime today.

BEST MOMENTS OF ZEN

• 12/4/07: Rejected - Best Oscar Award Winner Movie
• 12/11/07: Spelunk Finals
• 6/26/07: Charlie the Unicorn (can Beijing's next player named Charlie be referred to forever as Charrrrrrrley, let's go to Candy Mountain, Charley)
  

MISCELLANEOUS: When Betsy describes something someone else has written as "officially the funniest thing" that person has said, and "i feel a lot less bad about having slept with him now," that "funniest thing" is getting posted in its entirety. Presenting Reid Barrett:

Greg,

We got the mix from a distributor in Taiwan. What we can't seem to find, though, is the glaze that goes on top. Perhaps someone at the party will be able to provide this milky-sweet and tasty ingredient for our donut party? Could you, Greg?

In Betsy's own words, "remember this feeling: 'oh my god, there's no email. betsy has forsaken us. we're all doomed!' because next time you take betsy for granted, you may find yourselves pondering life without betsy...permanently!!!"

Have truer words ever been written?

Best of Betsy 2008

A quick foreword:

Starting around 1998, Betsy began writing "weekly emails" to the Beijing Ultimate community. These were memorandums that contained a bit of everything -- a look ahead, a look back, a funny anecdote or quote -- all underscored with the author's wit and charm.

Some of Betsy's earliest writings have been lost, but much, if not all, of her most recent work was recovered from a community forum. My job, as I saw it, was to pore through this abundance of primary source and pick out her best to give readers a glimpse of her genius -- and, if it may be said, her soul, which is best glimpsed through writing.

This project was not easy. Betsy, the first queen of Beijing, is no mere diarist, and as such I could not treat her work for what they appeared to be: message board postings on Google Groups. She is a legend, to say the least -- she has more engagements than Heidi Montag, a job more worthwhile than Joel Osteen's, a work schedule more demanding than Howard Kurtz's, a heart nobler than Warren Buffet's and a mind sharper than Alan Muth's -- and though we risk crossing into pretension by calling her a chronicler of days, it somehow seems appropriate.

Overdogs and underlings, average Joes and quidnuncs, sybarites, babbits and bon vivants, moobats and sots, ninnies and nymphets have all passed through and disappeared, but Betsy remains, sentinel of time with an all-seeing eye that radiates warm, life-affirming light. (Just ask any of her former beaus.) She is impressive not only for the profusion of her output -- striking for the consistency of its quality -- but also the diversity of her insight, from "joe and his post-coital monologues to himself" (9/18/08) to the fungibility of a term like "bafflegab" (4/30/08) and a heartfelt goodbye to Jason Cox (8/28/08). There's also an obsession with Matt Flynn, but we won't get into that.

A compilation of Betsy's greatest work finds literary parallel in translations of Homer and dissertations on War and Peace -- that is to say, achieved only through long hours of toil, yet still not as good as the original. There were other problems, attributable to imperfections of the adjudicator (I will raise my hand) and difficulties every critic must confront: how does one cull a Beatles discography for its best song? pick Virgil's best line? identify Sports Illustrated's "hottest" swimsuit model or the world's cutest baby? In all these cases there are too many candidates and too few points of separation. So keep in mind as you proceed that the following is only one man's opinion -- sort of like the picture, which is an approximation of what Betsy would look like if she were blond -- and that reasonable men can differ.

But I also ask you keep in mind that -- though this needlessly lengthy preamble would suggest otherwise -- in the end the answer as to Betsy's "best" is unimportant, because after all, who's better, Greta Garbo or Marilyn Monroe?* One can't go wrong with either.

BEST WEEKLY EMAILS:

1. Pre- and post-Shanghai tourney, 6/17/08 and 6/24/08
2. "lovepower, love power, lovepower!!!" 4/9/08
   
3. Biggest Frisbee week of the year, kicked off with a ditty, 3/25/08
   

BEST LUNCHTIME POLL, 4/22/08

Which of the following is your favorite titcomb:

a) xtehn

b) vehro

c) rohre

d) qxhna

BEST UPCOMING EVENT (because it was mentioned the most often), 2/21/08

Jeju

Jeju is the last weekend in April, the 26th and 27th. To get an idea of what it was like last year, check out this clip: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0SEd5iuCWzc

Big Brother is looking to send two plus teams. The hitch of course is that it's a gnarly nines tournament. everyone who went last year knows that the roster limit can make things tricky. But don't worry, we'll find room for anyone who wants to go. This tournament is too fun for anyone to miss. Look for more details about the tournament in an email tomorrow.

BEST MAILBAG, 3/4/08

every week, betsy gets a lot of emails inviting her out on dates, complementing her on her leadership skills, asking her ultimate related questions, and wanting to know who she is. the mailbag is where she answers these questions. as always, these are real letters from real readers.

Letter #1:

dear betsy,

whatever happened to the committee that we've been hearing so much about? are they still in charge of beijing utlimate? what provisions do we have for succession of power?

the ultimate patriot,
robo gabe

dear rg,

betsy has been waiting for this question. beijing ultimate has abandoned its short lived experimentation with democracy faster than betsy abandoned her new year's vow of celibacy. instead, we've gone back to our old apathigarchal system. currently, the beijing ultimate line of succession is as follows:

1. betsy
2. jason cox
3. charmian lam
4. joe pellicano
5. gabe monroe

thanks for writing in gabe. we were looking for someone to fill in that final slot.

betsy
xxxooo

Letter #2:

dear betsy,

why does it seem like the only time i make it into the weekly email is in association with chip? i'm an individual. i have a distinct personality of my own. i want to be acknowledged for my own merits.

disgruntled,
yin

dear yin,

i have no idea what you are talking about.

betsy
xxxooo

BEST WEEKLY RUMOR THAT MUST BE TRUE, 2/21/08

The Weekly Rumor That Must Be True: Have you seen the movie Minority Report? Then you know that Tom Cruise played a cop from the department of Precrime who could discover criminals before they broke the law. Well, it turns out that Betsy has the same precognitive abilities, but in terms of future hook ups. Here's a preview of the juicy rumors you will be reading about this spring:

After their relationship goes down in flames, Julia is going to start hooking up with Shen, and Reid is going to be making time with Debbie (you'll meet her in late March).

Two nights before the Ratties, thinking the votes have already been tabulated, Sandy breaks her vows of abstinence and goes home with a visiting ultimate player from the Colorado School of Mines. She regrets the decision when she wins the Mousetrap award for being most likely to hook up.

Thinking that it was just going to be a one night stand, Barbie and Ryan are surprised to celebrate their 6 month anniversary in May.

Remember folks, you heard it here first.

BEST WEEKLY RUMOR THAT MUST BE TRUE, Part 2, 2/26/08 (edging out all rumors involving Julia, like the one where she makes out with Doc)

Many of you know that Ryan has a strict policy of never hooking up with anyone that has previously gotten with Zahlen. So observers watched with great interest as the two of them went head to head this sunday at frisbee. Both Zahlen and Ryan pulled out all the stops as they flirted incessantly with the frisbee newbie of the moment. It appears that Ryan has the early edge as he managed to wrangle a dinner invitation for sunday night. Stay tuned for future developments.

As an aside, it seems that neither Zahlen nor Ryan are aware that Gabe Wildeau dated the young woman in question last summer, when they were on the same summer league team.

BEST SOCIAL CALENDAR, 6/17/08

The Monopisparacy

BEST WEEKLY QUIZ, 3/18/08

for you newbies, the weekly quiz is a game where betsy asks a few simple questions, and it's your job to provide the correct answers. as always, googling is prohibited. this week's winner will receive the last remaining bottle of award winning czech mineral water sitting in zahlen's fridge.

this week's category: celebrity jeopardy. remember you have to answer in the form of a question:

a) this color rhymes with urple.

b) this is the only month that begins with feb.

c) the beatles white album is this color.

as for last week's question,

barbie's lame response that this is 2008 and the oscars are for 2007 doesn't really constitute an answer, nor is it correct. but no one else was able to come up with the correct answer, so i am going to arbitrarily award this week's prize to ken su. congratulations! you've won a movie night courtesy of reid and julia.

BEST MOMENTS OF ZEN:

Ed.'s note: These have included Calvin and Hobbes comics, the color orange, and an abomination to Ultimate players everywhere, the Frisbee-catching dog (that can catch Frisbees better than you). But here are Betsy's three best, in no particular order:

• 6/24/08: Hot girl tosses disc
• 2/26/08: Nike women
• 3/25/08: Someone making fun of Frisbee players

As Betsy once said, "don't take betsy for granted. she could disappear from your life without a moment's warning."

Have truer words ever been uttered?

*ANSWER: Neither. Betsy beats both of them hands down, in any competition -- beauty, trivia, wrestling -- in any kind of match -- bra and panties, evening gown, buck naked -- on any surface -- mud, water, bed.

Kicking off Betsy Appreciation Week

Here is the definition of a transient community: coming like the warm season, all joy and bravado; leaving on the humped back of a solitary traveler, all sadness, candor; some are never heard from again; others return, bearing newfound appreciation for what they left behind; others still barrack themselves with their memories in a land far away with only a blog and a bottle...

But one person alone in Beijing seems unbound by the mortal coil. She is our better half -- our comprehending eyes, our sense of humor. Without her we would be uprooted and scattered by the winds, maybe to the Siberian desert. We would become unmoored as a rudderless boat in the empty seas.

That person, of course, is Betsy. If you've ever played Frisbee in Beijing it's likely you've met her. And if you're a guy, then she's definitely met you. Hip, modern and sophisticated, among the most well-read people in the world, fashion-savvy, forward-thinking, cute and devilishly funny, she is everyman's dream girl, his aspirations and hopes for a prosperous tomorrow. As such, we thought we'd kick off this blog -- devoted to Beijing Ultimate and the community around it -- with a five-day celebration of the one person this community cannot function without.

We told Betsy about this and she was only too excited to get her voice on the record. Here's part one of two of an interview conducted last month:

First off, Betsy, thanks for taking time to sit down with us. How would you describe yourself in relation to the Beijing Ultimate community? To what extent does it define you as a person?
i think that i define beijing ultimate more than it defines me.

How did you get involved?
pending lawsuits make it impossible for me to answer this question at this time.

We know your knowledge of Ultimate is nonpareil, but have you actually played Frisbee?
you remember the team that beat you in summer league? that was my team. i scored the winning goal. i spiked it next to your head. you have a selective memory.

You've been around a while now, so I was wondering if you could tell us briefly how the Beijing Ultimate scene has changed from your arrival to now.
when i started playing utlimate here, there was one chinese player. his name was duncan. he was our token chinese player for about 3 years. then he got a girlfriend and we never saw him again. now there are lots of token chinese players, so that if one of them gets married, we have lots of other players to take his or her place.

chinese players, be sure to let your friends know that playing frisbee makes you more attractive as a mate.

How would you characterize the community?
inescapable. once you are a part of the beijing ultimate community, you can never escape it. just ask matt flynn. seriously, ask him. his email is imaflynn@gmail.com. he'd love to hear from you.

What is the best part of playing Ultimate in Beijing?
how fast the community is growing.

What is the worst part?
the people

What tournament do you hold the most fond memories of?
i think the best memory is: winning the 2004 singapore tournament, winning the friday night registration party, having the best costumes, coming in seeded 7th and going undefeated, guaranteeing to pat mccarthy before the tournament we would win the tournament no matter where the seeded us, all of these things led us to belief that this victory would be the first of many. and then streaking naked on the fields so that a number of our players could never go to singapore again so that we have never had the chance to defend our title.

The most memorable party?
quinn's thanksgiving day party, the one with the food fight.

Your favorite Beijing couple of all time?
david joiner and michelle

Your favorite Beijing player of all time?
me

Who are the best dancers in Beijing, male and female?
me and jim.

Are Jim and Joe half-brothers?
they are a 6th grade science fair experiment gone horribly horribly wrong.

Why does Sandy not like you? [Not you personally, you understand]
sandy is just jealous of you.

Why is Char so nice?
it's a cover. believe me, you don't want to see her when she gets mad. just ask jim.

Can Ken Su be my uncle?
there is a 38% statistical certainty that ken su already is your uncle.

How can I donate to the Free Happy Rat fund, for his impending arrest and house durance?
i can tell you how, but why would you want to.

Should foreigners in China know Chinese, or is that not necessary?
you mean chinese food? all you need to know is gong bao ji ding.

What's up with Doc?
he's old.

Is it true there's a guy named Boner in the Frisbee community? That's funny, isn't it?
only funny in an ironic way. i know this based on personal experience.

Now, it's no secret you get around. Some people say it's because you have low self-esteem, others attribute your reckless behavior to a dark, traumatic childhood, while even others say you're just a girl who likes to have fun. But I think it's something else. I think you have a special someone you're too shy to approach, so you act out in hopes of attracting his attention and proving to him -- and yourself -- that you're desirable. Who are you saving yourself for, Betsy?
i don't believe in saving myself. that's a patriarchial concept created by males who wanted to have a virgin on their wedding night.

Thank you for your time.