Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Who is Betsy Beijing?

Polymath. Coquette. Epicure. Bon viveur. These are all terms to describe Betsy Beijing, but who is she, exactly? Would she appreciate those fancy-schmancy terms, or would "cute" suffice? If we peeled back the blubber of facade, would we be greeted with a scowling tiger or kittenish lady? Would we know a real smile from the torturous coyness we've come to expect? The real Betsy, when she's out of makeup and exfoliating in the lonely hours of the night -- nude at heart, unafraid, truthful in beauty -- where is she to be found and how is she to be found out?

We only have glimpses, like when she described her strengths and weaknesses in a mock job application in a June 25, 2007 posting on Google groups:

people person
language skills
good at networking
extremely attractive
care about the environment

poor attendance
trail of broken hearts easy to trip over
incapable of human emotion

She remains shrouded in secrecy, cautious even as she gives herself over -- her whole self, that is what you do not seem to understand, she gives and loses a part of her whole self every time she slips into the warm throes of yet another night -- and smiles that hollow, sweet smile, laughs that ginger, simpering laugh.

Who is Betsy? We're not the only ones who wanted to know. In part two of our two-part interview, Beijing Ultimate solicited people from as far as Hanover, New Hampshire, and Vancouver, Canuckistan, to send in questions, and once again Betsy supplied the answers as only she could.

Jeff Hartline asked, "Betsy Beijing, what's your number?"
Betsy: who's jeff hartline? is he cute? is he rich? should i get to know him? or will it just be a waste of my time?

Molly Roy: "If you had to pick a suitor on the Beijing ultimate team, who would it be and why?"
the question that needs to be asked is, if i had to eliminate one suitor, who would it be. answer: doc

Aaron Leung: "What's this?"
don't play coy with me, aaron. you know exactly what this is, and it's going to be the greatest regret of your sad existence that you only got to get with THIS once.

Lauren Reed sent in a question in essay form, so we're gonna have to cut it down to, "How do you do ... the most young, handsome, male co-ed admirers? Any secret insights would be more than appreciated, Betsy."
I'm betsy, what can i say. if you hung with me more, you would have a pretty good shot at my residuals.

Chris Boehner wrote his question in paragraph form, which was annoying, so we put his 62-word question into a random number generator and this is what came out: "Do a six pack only to you name with last years bonedaddy is corner I'm promise?"
forty two

Kevin Reitz: "What do you call that anyway? The Ugly Tornado?"
no, the gypsy palm reader

Jeff Orcutt: "How do you keep so fit?"
sex with your mom

Chirona Silverstein: "I would like to know the entire history of your love life since joining Beijing Ultimate Group. You must've had dozens of affairs!"

Thank you, Betsy, for sharing a part of your soul.

1 comment:

  1. I don't understand why this can't just be Besty Appreciation Month. Or Besty Appreciation Blog.

    I pine, Betsy. I pine!