Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Best of Betsy 2007

The most gratifying aspect of combing through Betsy's weekly procession of confabulations of genius was witnessing her evolution as both a writer and a person. Her hopes and dreams, so closely tied with the hopes of the community and the dreams of the very real human heart, oscillate up and down like a steam-room piston and we are alternately heartbroken and uplifted by her enduring humor and faith in the face of sadness and decay. When the walls of the community seem to cave in, she sings.

Some things remained the same in 2007: the Frisbee, the parties, the nonstop looking ahead at more Frisbee and more parties -- the elements that define Beijing Ultimate and make it the funnest community in China -- but other things changed: the disappearance of Gemma, the mellowing of Donald, the phasing out of one or both of the Gabes (literally, in the robot's case). Rickshaw, which used to be the hotspot for Beijing Ultimate -- a place that housed one of the most important meetings of 2007, as Betsy tells us:

Jason says "This meeting is to discuss the future of Beijing Ultimate. Everyone interested in discussing or knowing more about the way that Beijing Ultimate runs is welcome to attend." Thanks Jason for the informative message. Let's all take to heart and participate in what could be the most important moment in Beijing ultimate history.

-- began its decline almost as quickly as it ascended; it is now a place we patronize with only our work friends, if even that.

Rickshaw's fall is a solemn reminder that nothing is permanent, everything is illusory, life is but a bat of the butterfly's wings and we ourselves are guests in our own bodies, just passing through.

Betsy was unflappable in harsh times, like Cronkite under fire. She was not always authoritative, but one got the sense that she remained self-assured, poised, as confident in the present as she was of a pollution-less future (10/10/07). Check out the typical gusto and positive energy, pulsing like a star, of a Betsy salutation:

my fine, feathered, frisbee friends,

to thee, betsy presents a riddle:
what happens when you cross a gregarious gorge, a few skeet-like objects, and 80 of candice's mother's closest friends?

give up?

Summer League in Happy Valley!

And we saw her, slowly, develop an exalted -- indeed, proper -- sense of self-worth. Witness her comparing herself to Western literature's greatest novelist, Leo Tolstoy:

if betsy were a russian novelist, she'd be tolstoy. that means she's long winded and takes longer than is necessary to get to her point, but is not as talented as dosteovsky. then again, how many people can say they've written a fifteen hundred page book? and how many people can say they've written a 5000 word weekly email? not dosteovsky. and not pat mccarthy.

In 2007 Betsy showed us her impeccable Chinese (扒体 as "party") (10/6/07), talked about Google calendars, called out Donkey Kong (6/12), and scolded a member of the Frisbee community, "if you think you can do better barbie, why don't you try writing the weekly email for a few weeks. it ain't easy." We're pretty sure she was off the alcohol and heroin by then, which she experimented with and had the courage to tell us about in a devastating August 7 post. This was vintage Betsy, peeling down to her very essence -- like the girl in the photo, which is an approximation of what Betsy looks like as a brunette -- to let us see she has nothing to hide and is still attractive, indeed is more attractive for all those lesions and open wounds.

A.D. 2007 will be remembered for a legendary movie. It will be remembered as the year China Ultimate took a giant step forward with its first national tournament for Chinese teams only. It will be remembered as the year of shout-outs, which were returned by college kids like Aaron Leung (8/1) and Clare Sierawski (7/27). We think back on this and ask, Where have they gone to? Clare probably to Brooklyn as poet-in-residence, Aaron to Bombay as elephant vasectomist.

But most of all, 2007 was the year of Betsy.

Clare and Aaron will return, perhaps, as Betsy returned, stronger than ever. It is something we all do, as leaves risen out of the ground, the sea turtle its home in the warm and roiling waters, the wind its bag in the sky -- us to the child beating within, on a swing or merry-go-round, tree or kickball diamond, in the playground of our forebears before time had a chance to exist.

BEST WEEKLY EMAILS:

  • Betsy "Shock and Awe" (she returns after a brief absence, as only she can), 10/3/07
  • Pre- and post-Shanghai tourney, 6/12/07 and 6/19/07
  • Exactly one year till Olympics, 8/13/07

BEST LUNCHTIME POLL, 5/29/07

Here's a quick poll that will allow you to vote for you favorite moment from the weekend:

was your favorite moment of the weekend:

a) jason and shen boatracing each other, puking all over themselves, and then boatracing each other again.

b) ryan making out with that kazak guy just to prove he wasn't too drunk to make out with claire.

c) patrick w. deciding to walk home from all you can eat sushi at dzm, making it all the way to jiao dao koh, and then realizing he left his pants at the restaurant and turning around.

d) kate duclos from shanghai commenting that she thought beijing had the best spirit and wishing that she lived here instead.

BEST LUNCHTIME POLL, Part 2, 8/7/07

which of the following did NOT happen at sandy's party:

a) yin got a ride home from chip, and i don't mean on the back of his bicycle, if you know what i mean.

b) sandy walked into her bedroom and caught nick and doc making out on her bed. when she asked to join, they both refused, and asked her to leave.

c) appearing to be dangerously drunk, ryan started waving around a kitchen knife, only to be wrestled to the ground by peggy in an attempt to disarm him. laughs were shared all around when it turned out he was only slobbering drunk, and no danger to anyone but the english language.

d) the promised 6 am breakfast.

BEST SHOUT OUT/CALL OUT, 7/17/07

now is the time in the weekly email when betsy gives her weekly shout outs, and call outs. remember, you want to get shouted out, but you don't want to get called out.

a shout out to Zahlen, for agreeing to print our summer league jerseys using the most wicked material on this side of the tracks. Zahlen will be donating potential profits towards outreach to Chinese players. Where would we be without you, o brother?

a call out to darlies toothpaste. just because you switched out one letter for the next one in the alphabet, we know your secret and boycott your product, which sucks anyway. everyone knows that baking soda is the way to go for all-natural whitening.

a shout out to greg and zoe, who are going to be working madly on editing PLan 5 (remember when we filmed that movie once? you know, the one that doc and clare made-out in? Yeah, that's the one) for us to watch at the party at their place this weekend. if you can only do some of it, can you please put in the clip of doc and clare making out? Betsy secretly has a thing for both of them, but only when they are together, making out. well, c'mon now, don't we all?

a call out to Sandy, for being faster than Betsy on the field and hitting on all her crushes. Honestly Sandy. Just because you can have it all doesn't mean that you should. Have some compassion for the little people, huh?

a shout out to Aaron, for just being himself. Go Aaron.

a call out to co-dependency. This is a personal beef this time, between betsy and this ugly, ugly disease. It's all too often that people create a facade when socializing and always depend on heeding others' every beck and call, just to boost their self-esteem, then getting angry at those people for being too demanding but never once vocalize their frustrations and so spiral into a deep, dark abyss of hating themselves and hating everyone else. bad co-dependency.

BEST UPCOMING EVENT (though it wasn't called that yet), 6/5/07

Plan Five From Outerspace

beijing's quest to have the greatest ever theme party at an ultimate tournament continues. saturday after practice we will have another session of costume design, set construction, and story boarding. we will adjourn to sandy and tracy's from the fields. anyone who needs help with their costume, please contact doc or tracie. please look over doc's email regarding everyone's parts and confirm what role you have.

to get you in the mood, go here:

http://www.briansdriveintheater.com/horror.html

a word of warning. anyone who doesn't have fun at this party will be persecuted mercilessly. luckily nick won't be around to ruin it for everybody else.

BEST MAILBAG, 5/15/07

every week, betsy gets a lot of emails inviting her out on dates, complementing her on her leadership skills, asking her ultimate related questions, and wanting to know who she is. the mailbag is where she answers these questions. as always, these are real letters from real readers.

Letter #1:

dear betsy,

everyone seems to get me confused with gabe monroe. i don't know what it is. i mean he's a robot. you'd think people would be able to tell us apart.

do you have any ideas what i can do about this?
thanks,
gabe w.

dear gabe w,

i'm hereby giving you an official beijing ultimate nickname. from now on you will be known as the og. the other gabe.

xxxooo
betsy

Letter # 2:

dear betsy,

i took the animal test. it said i was a mole. what animal are you?

donald

dear donald,

i'm a tiger.

xxxooo
betsy

Letter #3:

dear betsy,

on behalf of the shanghai ultimate community, i'm issuing a cease and desist order in regards to your team party costumes for shanghai. after you ripped off our clue idea in jeju, and after you totally owned the shanghai party the past three years, we have taken steps to insure that you don't steal our thunder again this year. beijing can play in the tournament, but is not allowed within one hundred meters of any party venue.

bob loblaw,
attorney at law

dear mr. loblaw,

this is an impossible request, as anyplace the beijing ultimate team sets foot is by definition the party venue. expect another tour de force by big brother.

xxxooo
betsy

BEST WEEKLY RUMOR THAT MUST BE TRUE, 7/10/07

has anyone ever wondered why char is never around on weeknights or on saturday or anytime really outside of a couple hours on sunday afternoon? well betsy has the answer. it turns out that char loves to reenact medieval fantasy battles. every weekend she and her "church" friends go out to beijing's country side and act out scenes from the lord of the rings movies. here's a picture. char is standing in the middle of the back row:

http://www.dagorhir.com/ragnarok/images/ragxviii/XVIII_zagref_845_Fia...

please don't bring it up with char. she's quite embarrassed and will deny to your face that she likes to dress up in armor and fight with big padded sticks pretending to be orcs and hobbits.

BEST SOCIAL CALENDAR, 8/13/07

candice has done a terrible job with her role as social coordinator. she's an even worse committee member than doc or barbie. (and come to think about it, those two never seem to around anymore, is this just a coincidence. stay tuned next week for more details.) so betsy is taking it upon herself to organize a fantabulous party this saturday night. naturally it will be a costume party. and it will be democratic.

what venue would you like betsy's party to be at:

1. the new old black sun
2. the old new black sun
3. zahlen's apt (jf has the key)
4. carey's apt (betsy has the code)
5. the stone boat in ritan gong yuan)

what theme would you like to have for the party:

1. come dressed as your favorite figure from chinese history
2. come dressed as your favorite member of beijing ultimate
3. come dressed as zahlen. we have access to all his clothes after all
4. come dressed as your favorite bear bone
5. toga party

what form of entertainment would like to have for the party:

1. chip and luke on their guitar and banjo
2. chip and his mp3 player and jam box.
3. just chip. completely nude.
4. donald and jamie in a break dance competition, barbie to be the judge.
5. jello wrestling, featuring ryan and ken in speedos, barbie to be the
judge.

please have all your votes in by thursday afternoon.

BEST WEEKLY QUIZ, 5/22/07

for you newbies, the weekly quiz is a game where betsy asks a few simple questions, and it's your job to provide the correct answers. as always, googling is prohibited. this week's winner will receive a private cricket lesson with gemma.

this week's category, movie quotes. name the following movies, and which character said them. first correct answer wins:

1) I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

2) I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.

3) Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go on an overnight drunk, and in 10 days I'm going to set out to find the shark that ate my friend and destroy it. Anyone who wants to tag along is more than welcome.

as for last week's question, no one got the correct answer which was:

One time, me and a ninja friend of mine were killing a whole bunch of pirates, and this one pirate couldn't believe what was happening. So after he said "yarr" about 50 million times, he started to say "blow me down," but I cut his head off before he said "down." Both of us Ninjas thought about it for a minute, and then we just broke out in hysterics. Later we told all our ninja friends about it. We all had a good laugh at that one. Stupid pirate.

WEEKLY QUIZ THAT GOT THE BEST RESPONSE, 7/3/07

this week's winner will receive a free date at the venue of their choice with clare's younger sister.

this week's category, beijing ultimate:

1) who are you most likely to get puked on by?

2) who are you most likely to get hit on by?

3) who is most likely to break your hand?

please email your answers directly to betsy, at betsybeij...@gmail.com

as for last week's question, mark is the winner. although he did quite poorly on the actual questions, he actually knew the bonus, which is all that really matters. vicky the robot was from the tv show small wonder.

mark wins a prize package from five ultimate, which can be picked up anytime today.

BEST MOMENTS OF ZEN


MISCELLANEOUS: When Betsy describes something someone else has written as "officially the funniest thing" that person has said, and "i feel a lot less bad about having slept with him now," that "funniest thing" is getting posted in its entirety. Presenting Reid Barrett:

Greg,

We got the mix from a distributor in Taiwan. What we can't seem to find, though, is the glaze that goes on top. Perhaps someone at the party will be able to provide this milky-sweet and tasty ingredient for our donut party? Could you, Greg?

In Betsy's own words, "remember this feeling: 'oh my god, there's no email. betsy has forsaken us. we're all doomed!' because next time you take betsy for granted, you may find yourselves pondering life without betsy...permanently!!!"

Have truer words ever been written?

2 comments:

  1. don't blow your load just yet. three more days of betsy appreciation week!

    ReplyDelete