Friday, August 6, 2010

WEEK IN REVIEW: Pnut's last night, BUSL finals preview

The time is nigh. Summer league finals this SATURDAY, noon to 6 pm...


The end of Beijing Ultimate Summer League (BUSL) heralds the close of summer, and what a shame if we let it simper away without the proper solstial fete.

This Saturday, August 7, starting at noon, we will play two semifinals games (Pillage vs. Bid, Huck vs. Burn... technically games start at 1 pm) followed by a third-place game and then the finals. Free-flowing beer out of kegs will arrive at 4ish, followed by chuan'rs and other consumables. We'll be done at 6ish, hang around a bit for the awards ceremony and drinking games, then leave at sundown and rise again for a full-frontal moonlit bacchanalia at Solutions in Wudaokou (see attached, courtesy of Pnut). If you haven't partied with Beijing Ultimate yet, prepare for bad things to happen to you -- and I totally mean that in the Jace Everett-of-Bad Blood way, i.e. splendid things. Person who dresses most inappropriately for all occasions gets free shots all night -- but we get to choose the shot.

(Full- and half-season registrants and captains will get priority seating on a party bus (51 seats) to the Wu.)

A van will leave Dongzhimen at 11 am -- again, meet at stairs in front of McDonald's at Ginza Mall, subway exit C -- and contact Chirona ( if you're interested in the Wudaokou van/carpool. Carpoolers are also meeting at Dawanglu at 11 am, subway exit B.

The price for summer league finals is 70 kuai (45 for Chinese students), which includes beer, food, transportation and two free drinks at Solutions. For games only and no food, ride and party, it's 50/30 yuan. Full- and half-season registrants don't need to pay a thing.

Some of us have done this a few times before and can offer some advice on how to make it through the day without passing out in the Xiaowuji Village canal. Light breakfast is recommended and, before drinking, consumption of fruits and bread and whatever is available on the field. That said, bring a Nalgene or water bottle to take full advantage of the free-flowing golden-hops brew of sumptuous delightfulness. We will not be offering cups, fuck no. And bring a change of clothes and/or deodorant if you're the kind who cares about these kind of things. So to answer your question, no, the bus won't be making shower stops... though now that I think about it, why not? The bus will stop at a public bathhouse. No, just kidding, it actually will not. Bring a change of shirt.

Questions, comments, suggestions, let me know.

p.s. Apologies if you receive this email twice, or are already out of town. For the latter group, we'll take pictures for you and put it on (you people out of China may actually be able to access that blog).

p.p.s. If you're wondering where we play, you must be new to Beijing Ultimate. I reproduce for you the directions to our fields from Dawanglu (subway stop on Line 1):

Take East Fourth Ring Road going south and tell driver to get off at the Shi Ba Li Dian Qiao exit (十八里店桥), i.e. Exit No. 16. At the first bridge, i.e. Shi Ba Li Dian NORTH Qiao (or "qiao bei"), make a U-turn. You'll then want to make the 2nd right, i.e. turn into the neighborhood with a huge arch that says "Xiao Wu Ji Village Welcomes You" (小武技村欢迎你). Go down that street about 600 meters and make the first left (where there's a street). The fields will soon become visible on your left. (Map is attached.)

p.p.p.s. Final regular season standings:

Pillage: 6-0, +51
Huck: 4-2, +9
Burn: 1-5, -23
Bid: 1-5, -37

Summer league finals, all your questions answered:

Lots of questions this week about Saturday's games and party. I have answers!

Q: I heard there's a party on Friday night at Solutions to celebrate Pnut's leaving from China. Is that Friday party, like, the same as the Saturday party?
A: NO.

Q: What is the party Friday?
A: Pnut's going-away party, 9 or 10 pm or so at Solutions, which is next to Propaganda on Huaqing Jiayuan (a street name). YOU ARE WELCOME TO COME. It's a costume party, dress as "P," as in, "Plinth" or "Plebeian" or "Pistachio" (if you can come as a nut, you win).... drinks and prizes for best costume!

Q: So, this is related to Saturday's party...
A: It is NOT.

Q: What is Saturday's schedule?
A: Presented chronologically:

11 am: Bus leaves from Dongzhimen (subway line 2 Exit C) (15 rmb)
11:15 am: Car-poolers leave from Dawanglu (subway line 1 Exit B)

noon: Arrive at fields, warm up.
1 pm: Semifinals begin. Field 1: Pillage vs. Bid. Field 2: Huck vs. Burn.
3 pm: 3rd-place game begins.
4:30 pm: Championship game begins.

6:30 pm: Awards ceremony
7 pm: Load party bus for Wudaokou.

Midnight: Boot.
12:01 am: Rally.
5 am: Snack at hamburger/hot dog stand outside of Propaganda.

Q: Are we having the party at Propaganda?
A: NO. We'll be at a place called Solutions (Huaqing Jiayuan, near Wudaokou subway exit off line 13), which is so new that it doesn't have a website or City Weekend/theBeijinger directory listing. We will be getting two free drinks each.

Q: Who gets to sit on the party bus, and what happens if we don't have a seat?
A: Captains, full-season and half-season registrants get priority, in that order. BUSL will arrange a ride for everyone else.

A: Beijing Ultimate Summer League.

Q: Should we bring anything extra or different to the finals?
A: Nalgene and/or water bottle for the beer. Also, we will be playing under the sun for a long time, so... sunscreen. It also never hurts to pack an energy bar.

On a serious note, you may consider bringing a bag of chips or fruit or whatever to ensure you aren't puking before the party bus reaches its destination.

Q: Where will we be eating?
A: We're gonna have a block party on Huaqing Jiayuan, which is just south of the Wudaokou subway stop on Line 13, and dinner will be served there. As for actual content, we're gonna leave that a mystery for now.

BUSL is supplying X amount of food, but should you order anything else, be advised that you will have to foot the bill individually.

Q: I'm a vegan. What food have you prepared for me?
A: Either the feces of pygmy marmosets or lots of delicious vegetables. We're gonna put them in two boxes and whichever box you choose is the one you're stuck with.

Q: My friend doesn't want to play but he/she wants to watch. Is that okay?
A: Yes, but if he/she will be drinking/eating/partying with us, we will be requiring he/she pay BUSL. We're a not-for-profit, so please take pity on us.

Q: What does all this cost?
A: If you've paid for half- or full-season, nothing. Otherwise:

70 rmb gets you everything. If you're a Chinese student, then you pay 50.
50 rmb gets you beer on field, food and Solutions drink tickets, no games.
30 rmb gets you food and beer on the fields but no Solutions
15 rmb gets you beer on the fields, nothing else

Q: I'm new to Beijing and would like to join a team. Is that possible?
A: Probably, but no guarantees. We'll see what teams need players. We would like to discourage -- though not strongly -- people from bringing more than one friend who wants to play. If you've come out before, we would love to have you, but it's difficult placing complete newbies onto teams on the final day of the season.

Q: What should I bring to the field?
A: Cleats (if you have them) and four shirt colors (if possible): red, pink, yellow, charcoal (or black/blue).

Q: Are jerseys available for sale?
A: Yes, in every color (but not every size) for 50 rmb each.

Q: I would like to learn more about the history of BUSL finals and BUSL in general and Beijing Ultimate and China Ultimate.
A: Here and here are two write-ups of a pretty epic 2008 BUSL finals. Here is every summer league-related post via the Beijing Ultimate blog. Here is where you can learn more about China Ultimate.

Q: Some of those sites require VPNs.
A: and/or Witopia/Freedur/Black VPN should have been on your computer long, long ago.

Q: Whoa, there were strippers in '08? What about this year?
A: If I told you "close enough," would you believe me?

Q: Elaborate.
A: I can't. She'll hit me.

Q: I want to hook up with this really cute guy/girl who's been on my team all season but I don't know what to say to him/her. Can you give me any advice?
A: Email me reply-only.

Knowledge is power, ladies and gents. Please use it for good.


Jesse had a going-away party last Friday, which involved drinks at Second Floor and then dancing at Poachers. I neglected to post these pictures online this past Monday because Sunday's mojito night at Fubar took the spotlight, but then the following surfaced on Chirona's Facebook, and... speechless.

If you looked at the above and thought they were taken at Destination, I wouldn't believe you. This hopefully balances things out a bit:

We should mention here that Jesse, who was supposed to catch a 2 am flight to the U.S., missed his plane and wound up playing on Sunday in the final regular season game of BUSL. Heh. It only sucks when it's you missing an international flight.

Oh, and mojito night at Fubar was cool too:


Tao, regarding the party tonight, 8/4:

Must I remind everyone? which Pnut said, rather nonsensically,


If you like it rough, I could be convinced to punch you . . . all night long if you'd like.

(Hmm, what are you punching him with all night long?)

And then added,

Dear Tao,

Up yours. For a truly lascivious night, I'm considering moving the after party to Chocolate. Perhaps, you wouldn't complain so much then, Oh, and Tao, if you're rolling in enough money, you could bring home a lovely hooker to play with your live doll.

This is the girl we're all suddenly celebrating like she's Susan B. Anthony wrapped in a Helen Keller bonnet?

Need I remind everyone this is the girl who gave our friend Ben Redden a black eye from which he might never recover? The poor chap can only cry out of one eye, and he's crying three eyes' worth of tears every night.

Need I remind everyone this is the girl who's gotten so uppity -- like all-up-in-yo-face -- to so many of her rivals that now their best defense against her sass is quiet deference and, when called upon, unquestioning subservience?

Need I further remind everyone this is the girl who danced away half the night like a concupiscent halfpence tramp at a bar known for Korean girls and the syphilis-ribbed laowai who prey on them -- Mango -- with moves so wanton they're not fit for description here or in any whorehouse this side of Bunny Ranch?

Speaking of bunnies, this is the girl who cuddles with them before molesting them in sexual manners so perverse that I shudder to wonder what haunted past drove her down this road of iniquity and sin. This is a girl whose love for furries -- the fetish -- as demonstrated in the pictures here,, finds equivalence only in her insatiable appetite for ACTUAL FURRY ANIMALS, as in, EATING THEM RAW. A girl with her own tag on Fleshbot. A girl who dared to drink so much tequila during her last goodbye party that she puked over a poor old lady on the plane and said, "Bitch, you clean it up!" A girl who will kick your head on the curb American History X-style and swing out her arms while backpedal-strutting and bobbing her head all like, "Wha'chu gonna do 'bout it?"

Yeah, this is your hero, isn't it, Lauren? Isn't it, Beijing Ultimate? Well, you two are made for each other. Just do us all a favor and not post any pictures.


p.s. While we're revisiting blogposts, I finally got around to finishing a May 11, 2009 post titled, "Spring league finals, pt. 1." It was a game in which one team went up 12-5 in a game to 13, only to barely win 15-14.

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