Thursday, March 12, 2009

GUEST POST: the random email from betsy

hey flatballers,

i'm sure i was not the only one to notice, and i'm sure that you have decided to leave it up to me to call him out on it. well here goes: jeff, your pathetic attempts at stealing credit from me and duff for the single most successful day of ultimate in the history of beijing was just sad. i'm sure your friends will forgive you someday, but it probably won't be a while. i think it's best for everyone if you just stay away for the next few weeks. let's call it a moratorium. and not a moratorium in the way that you've 'quit' smoking. but a real moratorium. no exceptions. we will
review your petition to return in early may, at the same time we review ken 2.0's.

don't forget we have frisbee tonight. it's outside, because it seems the majority of you like playing in cold, smog and wind, when we could be playing inside. well, you asked for it, and you better be there tonight.

the weekly quiz:

betsy has installed hidden cameras in all your homes. which of the following is the reason she most wishes she had not:

a) after watching kevin, his girlfriend, and their housekeeper in the laundry room, just hearing the word threesome makes betsy nausous

b) jim and char have been playing monopoly for two weeks. it's the game that never ends. and betsy can't turn away. no, char, don't roll an 8. you can't afford to land on marvin gardens with four houses. you've spent your whole life trying not to go into debt. don't do it now. don't you realize that 70% of relationships fall apart becasue of financial matters?

needless to say, betsy hasn't been sleeping well this week

c) the no pants rule at doc, candice and alicia's is definitely best left to the imagination.

d) first sandy slept with chris. then chris slept with chip's girlfriend, while chip watched. then sandy slept with chip's girlfriend, while chris watched. then mini hulk burst in, threw the refrigerator out the window, because he hates any tangible reminders of his sober self, and then ran upstairs and inappropriately fondled chip, while sandy watched. in the process, a blue vase was broken. betsy always liked that vase.


new business:

betsy has learned that we have a new player who's coming to beijing. her name is charlotte. apparently she is conceited and gets belligerent when she's been drinking red bull. but betsy won't hold that against her. but she will hold it against her if she thinks that she can come to beijing and take betsy's place as the supreme diva. this is my town, sister. but i'm sure barbie would like some company in my entourage.

here's what charlotte has to say for herself:

hi betsy,

i heard you like baking. because someone said you like to make donuts. i think we are going to be great friends.

i'm going to be coming to beijing at the end of march. i grew up in ohio. my family moved around a lot, one of the perks of growing up in a mobile home. of course, there were a lot of tornadoes, but we learned to cope. i like drinking beer on the porch, cruising the strip at night, hanging out in the dairy queen parking lot, and listening to ac/dc cover bands. i heard there is a sweet band that plays at tun every tuesday night. i'm so excited.

so, i'm coming to beijing to study mandarin and find a part time job. anyone that has any leads on apartments or work (teaching or otherwise) please let me know. i'd prefer not to waitress though. i've had enough of that, doing double shifts at the all night diner. but hey, it beats stripping!

so seriously, if anyone has any useful information that will help me settle in beijing, my email is yellowspiderlove at

see you all in a few weeks,

thanks charlotte. beijing ultimate appreciates honesty from it's soon to be community members. especially after the way kevin mislead us with his nice guy routine.

and in the spirit of tradition, charlotte's new beijing ultimate nickname is daisy. please update your rolodexes accordingly.


which brings us to your moment of zen:

catch you at the fields,


1 comment:

  1. I've just installed iStripper, so I can have the sexiest virtual strippers on my taskbar.