Your official Singapore Open preview, from the tourney organizers

Look what they say about CUUP, specifically Doc, who's not even on the team! That's what you call a reputation...

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Discheads,

Just a couple of days to the madness that will be the Singapore Open 2009. We've got 24 teams from 13 countries descending on our little island for a weekend of Ultimate action. 10 fields on Saturday, 6 fields on Sunday. Good times and a little bit of Singapore patriotism thrown in for good measure (it's National Day on Sunday!). All the logistical details will come to you via the usual channels: water, check, disc, check, slightly bumpy (but at least mimosa-free) fields, check. The list goes on. Blah blah blah. The real question, of course, is who we're going to be getting uncomfortably close to while playing post-game stripper/cowboy/skydiver.

There are rosters floating around somewhere, but we've decided to studiously ignore them. What's the fun in getting it right anyways? So, here you are, a quick rundown of the teams you'll see on the fields come Saturday morning. We take no responsibility for correctness (factual, political or otherwise).

Angelina's Orphans (Cambodia): Straight outta the PP (that sounds a bit sketchy, but it's Phnom Pehn, folks), with some reinforcement from Siem Reap, this is the first time everyone's favourite former French colony has put in a showing at an overseas tournament. Watch for Jared "J-rad" Cahners, back from a 7-year exile in Wisconsin, showing off his svelte beer-and-cheese physique and silky smoove moves all weekend. Word is Greg Bloom is unavailable this time around. Dark horse quotient: 10.7.

CUUP (China): How is this possibly going to work? Beijing and Shanghai playing on the same team? Doc and Alec? Nads and everyone else? A recipe for disaster if ever there was one. We predict travel calls during their warm-up drills, a failed coup for the captaincy by Jim after game two on Saturday, and a top-20 finish.

Discindo (Indonesia): The seksiest team in Southeast Asia is going to make some waves in 2009. We're not sure, how, why or where, but waves there will be. Word has it Brad "Xiao Mu" Smallwood has been recruited to bolster the D line (or was that sideline?). And those of you waiting for the Dan Murphy comeback tour are going home disappointed. The crusty vet index balances nicely at 8.2.

El Ninos (Malaysia): For those of you too young to remember Chris Farley, a quick lesson: their team name means "the Ninos". You can look it up. Lack of knowledge leaves us stretching a bit here, but we think it's safe to say you're in for a good run if you have to match up against these guys. Oh, and watch out for #42.

Flying Naan (Malaysia): For those of you with the right connections on Facebook, you'll already be in a psychedelic trance. Groovy headbands, short shorts and tie-dye jerseys coming your way. Carroll "duuuude" Moreton leads the way here. Over/Under: 54.8.

Junk (Hong Kong): Junk sails into town as the defending China Nationals champions. If they can take down a nation of 1.5 billion, what's to stop them in diminutive Singapore? We've thrown a few dollars at the organisers to make sure Junk gets the worst possible schedule, but we leave it up to you, good citizens, to slow this team down on the field. And did they sign up a lady ringer recently? Only time (or more specifically, Saturday morning) will tell. Latest Hsu Hammer Index reading: 38.9.

Kidlat (Philippines): Kidlat means lightning in Tagalog (or "lightening" for some). Anyways, they walked away with some sort of award at last year's Sing Open (B-Div champs?). Watch out for more where that came from this time around.

Pilipinas (Philippines): The Philippines national team. What combination of young, fast, athletic kids with ridiculous skills will they bring this time around? It's like there's an endless supply of them, and we've had just about enough of it. Give the people what they want: more Erik Waldie!

Mo'chi (Japan/Taiwan): With only two returning players, does this count as the 2009 version of Py-ro, the defending Sing Open champs? Probably not, but still looks like the start of a solid lineup with Yoshio, Kerry, Uli and Shu. Word has it Josh Hon may make a rare appearance, and that Brian Sheehan, one half of the Asian Ulti founding Bryan/Brian team, may also hit the fields. We realise these names mean nothing to 84% of you reading this, but that's not stopping us (or them as they kick your young butts this weekend).

RMIT (Vietnam): More young, fast, increasingly skilled and drilled players making your life difficult on the field. Where are all the old, slow and over-the-hill teams? We hear that Singapore Ultimate is thinking of putting a lower age limit on participation at this tournament next year. Let's hope it's true. Dark horse quotient: 13.2.

Sizzle (Australia): JD and his merry men and women. We never know what to expect from down undah, but rumours have surfaced of a team that could do some serious damage. Might this be the first time an Australian team gets past quarters at Sing Open? Be sure to tune in on Sunday to find out.

Soidawgz (Bangkok): Here come the Dawgz. We've been told it's not quite the team you're used to seeing, but nonetheless, we're going out on a limb and predicting a 14.6 party score on the modified Murphy scale. Adjusted for the hoppiness of the latest batch of Brewerkz's Golden Ale, we're going to bump that up to 15.2 for Sunday afternoon.

Team India (you guessed it, India): This one took a few years to get off the ground, but it looks like there will finally be an Indian team at the Sing Open (side note, there was a team from India out to a beach tourney here in Singapore last year). Led by Mark Scott and no doubt with some spiritual guidance from afar from house-bound brand new father and Asian Ulti founder, Bryan Plymale, we're excited to see what they've got.

UP Sunken Pleasure (Philippines): Someone forgot to tell these guys that we're not playing the 36-a-side, gravel-parking-lot-in-New Jersey version of Ultimate this weekend. They roll into town with a roster of 28 players. They plan to run you very very very deep into the ground. And in case you missed it, they are the defending HK tourney champs. Watch out.

Vudoo (Vietnam): Vietnam Ultimate Defence Offence Organisation! And here we thought it was all about some shamanistic doll-poking ritual thing. Dave Jensen is back with what will no doubt be a team of fast, skilled and hungry players. We hear Dave has slowed down a bit and his hops are on the decline, and that's just fine with us. Have a beer and a couple of donuts, David. No, please, we insist.

And your Singapore teams:

Chuckies: Excuse me, were you looking for a boat race? Chances are you'll see Chuckies throwing down a couple of times this weekend in between hard-fought games. The Chuckies/Soidawgz rivalry will be renewed. We've called in the expert panel for some insights on this one, and they've come up with the following prediction: beer.

Disc Knights Orange: Most recently finalists in KL, DK Orange sees the Knights fully loaded and ready to lay the hurt on some teams this weekend with big hucks, pinpoint breakmarks and huge Ds. You have been warned.

Disc Knights White: More DK, just a different colour. Unclear whether this is the Old Knights, the Young Knights or a combination of the two. Either way, they've probably been whipped into some serious shape, so be ready to run.

Freakshow Green: "Freak-show, Freak-show, Freak-show!" Yawn ... anyone bored of that cheer yet? Well, it looks like we'll have to put up with plenty of it this weekend. The good people at FS have managed to put together not one, not two, but three teams this time around. Defending Bali and KL champs and most recently finalists in Shanghai, we'll see what they're capable of on home turf.

Freakshow White: Captains Chua and Cramer are set to guide FS White to the promised land this weekend. Where that is, and what it's like remains to be seen, but the promised land it will be.

Freakshow Camouflage: A smooth blend of old and new, this full-bodied, well-balanced ... wait, we're talking about an Ultimate team here. A mix of Freakshow's newest players, one or two vets, and a few more than capable additions--watch for FS Camouflage (if you can find them).

Lagi Shiok!: More trouble coming your way from your favourite team with a punctuation! mark! in! its! name! We don't know too much about them, but it's fair to say they'll be! exciting! to! watch!

Shiok!: Hungry and hard working, our guess is that no team has run as many sprints as Shiok has in the last two months. We also bet no team has eaten more cheeseburgers and fries (or maybe that's just Enrique on his own). Do they cancel each other out? Watch for Shiok to push hard to better last year's quarterfinal exit.

SMU: They may all be accountants and spend their free time reconciling general ledgers, but the SMUrfs have skills to spare. In truly inspirational form, Captain Bernard "Balance Sheet" Huang dropped this little gem on us during an interview: "It's going to be a fun weekend.". Good work, Bernard. Try to contain yourself, you're on international email distribution here.

And what's all this without a little bit of prognostication:

Four pools on Saturday. What will the top 8 look like going into Sunday? Here's our very uneducated guess, in no particular order:

Sizzle

Shiok

CUUP

Freakshow Green

Pilipinas

Sunken Pleasure

Mo'Chi

DK Orange